Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Not back to normal!

It was too funny yesterday (or the day before?) writing about how things were so weird that they're "back to normal?"  Well, I'm here to tell you they certainly are not.  Now I'm wishing that I could take back all of what I said because my one true wish at this point is for things to be back to normal, the mundane, the boring.  But, I'm afraid there's a long road ahead for me in order to definitely get back to that place.  A long road for me and my poor husband.  
I read another article on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD is what everyone calls it) and I'm sure that my husband has it.  He has so many of the symptoms of it, I can't see how I didn't see it before.  The tragedy was a distraction, and a way for him to get back into military mode, or "red alert" mode as they call it, but I can see so clearly that he's got it.  And why wouldn't he?  The problem is that it's not recognized, so God knows how our insurance will cover it.  I found this very helpful web site and if you have a loved one you think might have it, here are some of the symptoms:

Re-experiencing the traumatic event

  • Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
  • Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
  • Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
  • Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
  • Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)

PTSD symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing

  • Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma
  • Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
  • Loss of interest in activities and life in general
  • Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
  • Sense of a limited future (you don’t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)

PTSD symptoms of increased arousal

  • Difficulty falling or staying asleep
  • Irritability or outbursts of anger
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Hypervigilance (on constant “red alert”)
  • Feeling jumpy and easily startled

Other common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder

  • Anger and irritability
  • Guilt, shame, or self-blame
  • Substance abuse
  • Depression and hopelessness
  • Suicidal thoughts and feelings
  • Feeling alienated and alone
  • Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
  • Headaches, stomach problems, chest pain

Why am I so sure?   Well, last night, I happened to get up in the middle of the night (we were drinking beer).  Well, actually I was drinking beer, he was drinking nothing, one of the things I think this has affected is his appetite.  ANYWAYS, there he is, crouching around in the backyard, following something.  This is odd behavior, of course, so I watch, and my husband is quick, but he was like lighning, and he got this raccoon just straight out of the blue, catches it and EATS it.  What is wrong with him?  What is wrong with everyone?  RAW.  We've eaten weird stuff in lean times that he's caught, but raw?  I just don't understand it.  He needs to go to a doctor, he really does.  And maybe so do I.  But, we can't go on like this.

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